


Let Me See You Stripped, Down to the Bone

by AngelNo13Bardiel



Series: Black Celebration [3]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other, POV First Person, Suicidal Thoughts, Symbolic Effigy, letting go of the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 18:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelNo13Bardiel/pseuds/AngelNo13Bardiel
Summary: (sequel to Sing This Corrosion to Me) Broken souls are often the best help for their own. With the Third Child having previously proved that, it passes to the Second Child to be the stronger of the two.





	Let Me See You Stripped, Down to the Bone

**Author's Note:**

> _**DISCLAIMER:**_ I still don't own Evangelion or any of its characters, that's all still the property of…whoever owns it these days. Probably never will either, but I'm okay with that (too much legal hassle to potentially deal with). Original series timeline applies here, nothing Rebuild-centric. This one takes place after ep.24, so standard spoilers warnings up to that point are advised. Also, this is the third and final act of the _**Go Back to Sleep, Precious**_ / _ **Sing This Corrosion to Me**_ canon, so read (or re-read) those first. 'This' is thoughts, "this" is speech and this one takes place from Asuka's PoV. I think that covers everything, let's get right into it!

_**-Let Me See You Stripped, Down to the Bone-** _

I shake off the lull my mind had fallen into during my walk, the hypnotizing echo of my footsteps being one of the only sounds I've heard since leaving the Geofront earlier. "The city's so quiet now," I say to myself, never realizing until now just how much background noise was in Tokyo-3 previously. Even at its most silent, it was still _much_ louder than this.

I take in my current surroundings for a moment. The structures that haven't been destroyed are abandoned, and what few people are left are just those that work for NERV. It might as well be a ghost town for how little activity there is. Everyone else _has_ left for safer places, I guess. I got a call several days ago from Hikari, telling me that her family would be heading for Tokyo-2 and wishing me good luck and that we'd see each other again when this was over. Hikari…thinking back on it, I didn't deserve a friend as loyal as you.

The last few weeks have been a mess, simply. After…well, _that_ night, I reported back to NERV and told them I wanted to try and re-synch with Unit-02 no matter how long it took. So many tests, so many failures…but I didn't quit. I _couldn't_. I owed it to Shinji and everyone else to try and be more like the old me.

But then…the next Angel appeared. And…Ayanami, she…

I close my eyes for a second when I think about it. As much as I _thought_ I hated the First Child, I didn't wish for such a thing to happen to her. I only watched from a monitor inside Central Dogma…Shinji had to see it right there.

He…didn't take it well. I heard the scream when it happened, saw how silent and lifeless he seemed after he came back. I imagine I'd looked the same to him that night I tried to…

I shake my head again to clear out those thoughts. I guess like what happened with him after the previous Angel had assaulted me mentally, I didn't know what I should do for him…so I did nothing. Not my best moment, but I figured he needed the time to grieve.

No, when we heard that she had survived…how I reacted to what should have been a relief was…less than enthusiastic. Mostly because of how _Shinji_ took the news. He smiled, glad for a moment…so much so that he ran off to see how she was doing immediately. I…did not. Jealousy stayed my hand. _Again_.

I withdrew back to my attempts to start Unit-02 again. I didn't hate him for it, but…I wasn't ready for him to react like that toward another female. Stupid me, trying _so_ hard to be like the old me that I fell back into bad habits. As I said, I'm not proud of it.

But because I was kept so busy by NERV, I couldn't actually get around to properly explaining myself to Shinji. And in the meantime, while he probably (and rightly) felt abandoned again… _he_ came.

Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child. Another pale, red-eyed enigma much like Ayanami. I don't know the whole story, but it seemed like he and Shinji met and quickly became friends in only a few days' time. I only passed him once in a hallway, not even returning the greeting this mysterious boy had given me.

I _may_ have also been upset by the fact that he had been given the right to use Unit-02 while I was attempting to re-synch with it. Or that he had an abnormally high ratio for someone who had not had it previously piloted. I had questions, but I was more focused on my own issues.

At least, I _was_ until he took Unit-02 and headed toward Terminal Dogma. He had been the final Angel all along, just waiting for his opportunity. And he almost made it…before stopping and letting himself be killed. By _Shinji_.

If I didn't know how to handle how he felt after the First's 'death', then I was completely head-under-water when it came to _this_. He didn't cry out like after Unit-00's detonation, but whatever life was in him seemed to have left after that. I only watched from a distance, not knowing what to do. _Again._

So, on today's synch test, I put all of my thought into both trying to get that damned machine to move to my will again _and_ wishing that I could do something for him to ease what he was feeling. And then, after so much effort, it happened: connection established…synch ratio rising…finally holding steady at forty-four-point-six percent. Much lower than most of my pre-failure tests…but I didn't care. Tears came out and dissolved into the LCL right away, I had _finally_ done it again! I had re-earned my right to be called the Second Child!

With my old confidence back, I showered and redressed myself with determination: I was going to find Shinji and help in whatever way I could. Misato said he hadn't been around the apartment after Kaworu's death, so that left _a lot_ of ground to cover in town. I had been at this for several hours already, not finding one sign of his whereabouts.

I get taken from my thoughts as I look up and see the crater lake that had been left after Unit-00's destruction in the distance…and a shape next to it that looked like a person crouched down. I take a few deep breaths and ready myself for anything. I've seen the best he can be…but I've also seen his worst. "You can do this, Asuka," I whisper to myself as quietly as I can. I don't want to disturb him until I'm ready.

I keep my eyes focused on the mangled shape of the merged Angel/Eva that stuck out of the water, stepping ever-so-softly toward the person. As I get closer, I can see the familiar school uniform he always seemed to be wearing was looking a little dirty and wrinkled. Just a few meters from the shoreline, and I hear his voice speak up, cracked and horse from disuse. "Just go away, Misato. I want to be alone right now…"

"Not Misato," I say with a little volume as I take another few steps toward him. His head whips around in surprise to hear my voice and he stammers my name a few times before going silent again and turning back toward the water. I eventually stop parallel to him, just a couple of feet away. "I had a feeling you'd be here," I tell him in a soft tone. "There really isn't anywhere else left but the apartment, huh?"

"This is w-where I met h…him," he says shakily, trying not to cry.

"Nagisa?" I ask, which he nods to. I go quiet for a few moments, preparing my words carefully. Like the night he'd helped me, I would have to tread lightly here; one wrong word and I may push him off the same edge I teetered at. "I didn't know him, but…Misato told me about how you had gotten to know each other. I'm sorry it had to come to this."

"It should have been me."

I blink a couple of times at that one sentence, not sure that I heard him correctly. "Why do you say that?"

"I…wasn't given any other choice. I didn't want to…to…" He stops short, holding back some very heavy sobbing. "Why me? Why did he want _me_ to live?"

"But if he had gotten to Terminal Dogma, we'd all be-"

"Don't you think I _know_ that, Asuka?" he asks in a harsh tone, glaring at me for a few seconds. "Of course I know it would have been the end of humanity, but…" He looks down at the sand, drawing lines in it with his fingertip. "I'm not worth saving. At this point, I'd feel better dead."

My body moves before I can think about it, hauling Shinji to his feet to look me right in the eye. "Take that back," I growl at him, trying to ignore the hurt look on his face. I'm sorry, Shinji…but sometimes, the methods to get people off the ledge aren't always pretty. "I said you _take that back_!" I yell a little louder this time. When he doesn't respond, I screw my eyes shut and use my left hand to smack him as hard as I can. After a few moments, I open my eyes again to find him looking in the direction his face had been hit with a stunned expression. I hate doing this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. "I'm sorry I had to do that," I tell him in a much calmer voice, my heartbeat still racing. "But you don't get to say things like that and mean it, there are people who _care_ about you. Is that how you would follow up saving them? By ending you _own_ life?"

I let go of his collar and watch as he crumples to the ground on his knees. I kneel down to meet him, hoping my face looks as apologetic as I feel. "B…but I thought y-you hated me again…" I blink a few times in surprise when I hear that. "I m-mean after…after Rei, you-"

"Stop right there," I say after holding up my hand to interrupt him. "I'll be the first to admit that I…didn't handle that well." I look down at the ground, not wanting to look him in the eyes when talking this openly. "I was a little…envious. Of how you reacted on hearing she was alive, I mean." I can feel myself blushing a bit at that. _Gott_ , I hate saying that I made mistakes.

"But…she's…not the same," Shinji says, sadness in his voice. "I saw her at the infirmary, but…it just doesn't feel like _her_ anymore." I nod at his words. Ayanami had always been…distant as a person, to put it mildly. But after seeing her around headquarters afterwards…yeah, he's right. She's…colder, more distant than ever. Something changed in her…like she's _not_ the same person.

I put a hand onto his cheek. "And I _am_ sorry that I reacted that way. Do you understand?" He sits silently for a moment before nodding. "Besides, I was still so busy doing re-synching tests and other stuff, so…" I trail off not knowing where to go with that. I stand back up and stare out over the water, the sun getting lower toward the horizon. "And as for Nagisa," I begin after a long pause. "I know he was your friend…but what kind of _friend_ has you make that type of choice?" He looks up at me with sad eyes, but doesn't speak up. "I would never force something like that on you. You don't deserve that."

Shinji looks down at his hands for a long time, his breathing ragged. "And this time, it was on _me_ to do it." He casts his gaze out to the shoreline. "I mean Toji in Unit-03…my father used my hands to almost kill him…but t-this…" He stops, rubbing his eyes with his right arm. "It was my choice."

"And as much as it hurts, it _was_ the right decision," I tell him. "One life for all others. His original goal may not have been noble…but his choice to not go through with it saved countless other lives." I glance over at Shinji again. "I just hate that it had to tear you apart so much."

We fall silent for quite a while after that, with myself having nowhere else to go with that particular line of conversation from there. I look down at my purse and realize the _other_ reason for coming out here. "Hey Shinji?" A few seconds later, I hear him mumble in response. "There's one other thing I came out here for. And I wanted you here to witness it." He doesn't reply verbally, but rises to his feet shakily. "Could you go and sit somewhere nearby?" I point over to a mostly flat rock just a few feet away and he nods before taking the offered seat.

I walk around and gather a few small rocks, careful to get ones mostly uniform in size. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing _right_. "What we're doing here it a little ceremony of sorts," I explain, arranging the stones into a circle on the sand. "I don't know if this is the way it's _actually_ done or not…but the gist is there." I reach into my purse and pull out a picture of myself, taking a moment to study it. It was taken sometime within the last year or so, me standing and smirking in my yellow sundress. I smile as I run my hand over it, remembering what this was to represent. I kneel down and place the picture down image-side-up and affix it to the ground with a couple of tiny rocks. " _This_ , Shinji, is an effigy. Well, kind of. These kinds of things are usually done in protest or for funerals, but…well, I guess it _is_ kind of accurate on the second one."

Shinji stays silent as I reach into my purse again and pull out a matchbook. "This is a funeral for the old me," I continue explaining, opening the box and fishing out one of the matches. "I'm going to break away from that part of me for good." I watch as his eyes go wide after that last part, nodding to him before striking the match against the box and moving it down to the picture. It catches without much effort and begins to burn, slowly smoldering at the edges before producing a noticeable flame. I watch it go up with an equal mixture of relief and sadness: relief that I can hopefully move on from what I used to be like, sadness that the 'me' that had always existed before was no more.

Shinji slowly moves from off his rocky seat to crouch down by the dying embers with me. "Asuka…"

"I told you before that the old me was dead," I tell him, not looking up. "You remember, right? The night you saved me from myself?"

He nods. "Asuka… you don't have to do this for m-"

"This isn't _just_ for you, baka," I cut him off. "This is just as much, if not more, for _me_. I _need_ this." Upon seeing the last of the image turn to ashes, I cover the area with a handful of sand. "There, it's done." I rise to my feet and walk over to the edge of the water, Shinji walking after me just a few seconds later. As he settles in next to me, I speak up again. "But there's more to it than that." I reach up and begin undoing the A10 connectors from my hair. After I had failed to synch with Unit-02, I hadn't worn them at all. But the last few weeks' worth of testing had meant that I had resumed wearing my one ever-present accessory.

I let my hair fall freely after removing them from my head, looking down at the lump of circuitry and red plastic in my hands. I smile as I turn them over and over a few times, getting a feel for their familiar weight. "I finally did it, by the way," I say before looking up at him, catching his gaze, "I re-synched with Unit-02 today."

Shinji snaps out of silence and smiles at me. "C-congratulations," he says with genuine happiness.

"Thanks," I say, turning back to look out over at the setting sun. "But I only wanted to prove I _could_ do it again. With the last Angel gone, there's no more need for NERV or the Evas…" I pause and take a deep breath. "If I'm going to break with the past concerning who I was, that also means I have to leave behind the things I _used_ to think were important." I sigh heavily before looking back at him. "Like piloting." He doesn't say a word but his eyes go wide, telling me that he understood what I was saying. "I've changed my mind on a lot of things lately. One of those was my _purpose_. I lived only for piloting. If there is no need for that any longer, what will I do?" I turn my head back toward the water. "I still don't have an answer for that, but…I have people there to help me with that, don't I?" I give him the most genuine smile I've ever given anyone and take the synch clips in one hand before winding back and throwing them into the lake, landing with a soft 'splash'.

Watching the waves ripple out from where they landed, I feel a few tears escape my eyes but I choose not to wipe them away. "I'm going to need to find something new to focus my life on," I say with finality. "Will you be there to help me find my way?" I extend my hand out toward him, smiling warmly. "Another one of those things I changed my mind on was _you_ , Shinji. You were wrong when you said you weren't worth saving. If nothing else, you're worth saving _to me_. I hope you'll be there for me…to keep me from being the hateful girl I once was."

"Asuka…" Shinji says softly, his own eyes looking wet. He shakes a few times with sobs before taking my hand. I squeeze it gently before pulling him closer and embracing him in a hug. It takes a few seconds, but he finally hugs back. As we hold each other, both of our bodies are finally taken over by the sadness of recent events and we openly weep on each other. We collapse onto the sand, kneeling by the water's edge just as the sun sinks past the mountains in the distance.

Pulling myself away for just a few moments, I try to speak again. "I m-meant that earlier, you know. About how you saved me that night. And I wanted to help you through what you've been through, just like you did for me." I wait a few seconds to watch his expression. "Thank you, Shinji Ikari." And with those words, I swallow hard and lightly press my lips to his. He goes completely rigid upon contact but quickly kisses back. Just as suddenly as it happens, I pull away and rest my head on his shoulder. "We'll burn the past away…and find a better future." I hear him start to speak, but interrupt swiftly. "No, no words…we can talk about it later. Let's just enjoy this for a while."

And we stay like that for most of the evening, just two broken teenagers holding onto each other by a lake like it were the most important thing in the world. And for us, for _that_ moment…it kind of is.

_**-End-** _

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FFN on 15 March 2018.
> 
> Pre-read and then some was done by Ash. Thanks again, honey.
> 
> As usual: all comments will be appreciated, good or bad. But I do favor honest/helpful criticism, so send it my way! And review! Even if it’s not positive, review!
> 
> See you next time,  
>  _ **-Bardi (and Ash)-**_


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